you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
