Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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