kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
