Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
