i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Randomize
