How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
