I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
