we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
