You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
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