I like to think it a success when the cops are called
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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