when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
