We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
