New invention idea: vibrating tampons
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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