He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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