i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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