my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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