are you still at the devil's house?
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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