11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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