You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize