All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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