Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
