i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
