Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
