walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Less talking, more tequila
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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