I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
