Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
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