He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
