while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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