Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
