don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
