I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
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