At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
