Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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