Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
