i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Dick very happy bro
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
