...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
