Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
