At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
