never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
