i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize
