I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
