I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize