Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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