Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
