Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
