I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
