don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
