my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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