in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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