Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
