You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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