Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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