I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
