So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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