Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
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