if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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