i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
