this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
