I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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