So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
