Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
two words: eviction party
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
