She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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