i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
