Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
