I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Randomize
