bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
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