when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
cat food counts as protein by the way
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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