The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize
